Sunday, February 13, 2011

Can't cook, can't clean. What can you do?

Silly woman, that's not how to wash a baby!
It was a question that baffled even the brilliant Dr. Freud: "What do women want?" Freud died without ever knowing the answer to this crucial question, but luckily we won't have to. Because douchebag blogger MarkyMark has figured it out. What do women want? They want to not get fat.

Did you ever notice how women will fret all the time about whether or not they look fat, even if they don't?  Did you ever wonder why?

I have a theory as to why women go crazy over gaining weight: their sex appeal is ALL they have.  Modern women, in their heart of hearts, know that they have nothing else to offer a man.  They cannot cook; shoot, some women can't even boil water!  They cannot clean.  They cannot offer good companionship, because they're not good companions; if anything, they're man hating battle axes who would curse a man by being with him.  Yeah, I said it!  The modern woman curses a man by being with him!  The modern trollop, er woman, offers NOTHING to a man but her sex appeal, and that's why she freaks out over any weight gain.  For me, it's as simple as that...

Can't cook, can't clean. Damn. Now I've got this Adam Ant song stuck in my head:



--

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55 comments:

  1. Because only modern women have worried about what they look like. Ok. Sure.

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  2. hm... everyone I know calls me the domestic diva and begs for me to cook for them. Methinks there's something wrong here...

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  3. Jesus, this "marky mark" character is actually respected in that lunatic asylum of a community, so good call posting this drivel. They can't claim it's some innocuous comment mostly ignored on a dead thread on a duty forum. I'm sorry, but this person is a complete moron. I am aware I am offering an argument with no substance at this time. But seriously... does anyone even need to argue with this nonsense? How many other threads can you find these creeps insulting fat women?

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  4. *dusty forum (damn, I'm going back to bed)

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  5. It's no wonder boys like him/them are still single...lol

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  6. So men are too dumb to realize that they are being cursed by the presence of a woman?

    How misandrist.

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  7. Wow, what idiots. I know the stupid 'fat is automatically unsexy' meme is sadly prevalent, but this dude has been brainwashed to the extreme.

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  8. Marky Mark says on his blog that he will be 49 in two weeks. I thought he was younger. He must be very frustrated because he cannot get laid.

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  9. And here I thought some women obsessed about getting fat because large portions of our society thought that fat people are disgusting/sexually unappealing and that being a sex object is all that a woman is good for and therefore spend huge amounts of time attacking women's bodies and body image.

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  10. This is one of the best things about MRAs. If they're not complaining about how all women are fat and disgusting, it's because they're too busy complaining about how all women are not-fat and disgusting.

    It's like women shouldn't even give a shit what they think, kind of.

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  11. Marky Mark says on his blog that he will be 49 in two weeks. I thought he was younger. He must be very frustrated because he cannot get laid.

    A man's sex drive beings to drop in his 40s, and MarkyMark has made it pretty clear that he's quite happy without getting laid. Sorry to burst your bubble there.

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  12. A man's sex drive begins to drop in his 40s if he had a normal sex life, otherwise he will still be obsessed by what he cannot get.

    And here is a posting were Marky Mark explain why he failed to find a woman on E-Harmony. And it explains, why at 49, he is still alone.

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  13. @avpd0nmmng
    OMG, I just read that post about MM's E-Harmony experience and laughed my ass off. There are so many things wrong with this guy I can't even begin to explain but thank you so much for pointing that out. I've been doing laundry and cleaning all day and I really needed some comic relief. His post above was good, but getting into the nitty gritty of why oh why E-Harmony didn't work out for him is comic gold.
    His poor brother-in-law that was trying to help him. He must of have felt like beating his head against a wall.

    Oh, and I didn't wear a dress like the lady above is wearing while I did my laundry so for sure I'm an AW bitch. Yay me!

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  14. Yeesh, that E-Harmony story is cringeworthy. You know, it's really not hard to frame an unconditional love of motorcycles as a good thing. "Looking for a lady who shares my unconditional love of motorcycles" instead of "Suck it, hypothetical bitch" might be a good start.

    I recently started looking into online dating myself and of course E-Harmony is out of the question, as are most places that charge. I learned that there is a dating service for absolutely everyone: straights, gays, fat people, people who want the sugardaddy style relationship, self-professed ugly people, people suffering from any of the major STDs, marijuana enthusiasts, geeks, gamers, and of course, thinly disguised mail-order bride services (warning! pricey!). I'm sure if he were really interested in dating, he could find a site more to his tastes than E-Harmony. Hell, even Sean Hannity had a dating site for awhile, it might even still be active.

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  15. Or you could ask one of these MRA types to set you up with someone. *watches the puff of dust that was Kysokisaen*

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  16. Don't you "perfect princesses" get it? He's a fantastic catch! He says so right in his post! You're all just too deluded to see it. I mean, a guy who refers to women as "skanks" is a guy to bring home to mother, right? I tell you, American women...

    Ew...I need a shower now.

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  17. "The modern woman curses a man by being with him!"

    This would also make a good T-shirt. So many illustration possibilities.

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  18. *makes some bacon for CB* It is okay, he would not last five seconds with my mother.

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  19. A man's sex drive beings to drop in his 40s, and MarkyMark has made it pretty clear that he's quite happy without getting laid.

    I believe this guy is a 50-year-old virgin because he chooses not to have sex exactly as much as I believe you get kicked off juries because of your phenomenal intellect.

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  20. Oh my lord. Just read MarkyMark's story. Complete and utter lack of self-awareness = comedy gold!

    I may have to do a post on this.

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  21. Oh, that eHarmony post... I managed to keep from laughing out loud until the very last paragraph ("I'm a hell of a catch!"), and then of course I did, and my husband asked why I was laughing, and then I had to read the whole thing out loud. It's perfect. It's like a tiny shimmering jewel, every flawless crystalline facet of which is the word "skank."

    But... I'm confused. I thought one of the things wrong with women was that we all go crazy for bad boys on motorcycles who don't treat us well. Now we're at fault for not going out with a guy on a motorcycle who constantly insults us? We just can't do anything right, can we?

    And oh, that poor, poor woman who went on the one date with him. Oh dear.

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  22. Oh my lord. Just read MarkyMark's story. Complete and utter lack of self-awareness = comedy gold!

    Isn't he the one who took a story from the Onion completely seriously a while back?

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  23. That piece on eHarmony is indeed hilarious! I bet he's the first to complain about "leeches", too, after summarily rejecting any woman who indicates she's financially independent or career-minded. It's like Bee said above: care about your appearance? Contemptible! Don't care? Worse!

    I wish he'd posted the actual profile, because I'm imagining "WANTED: someone to despise and sneer at" and the truth is probably a lot funnier.

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  24. Isn't he the one who took a story from the Onion completely seriously a while back?

    Yep

    Oh my lord. Just read MarkyMark's story. Complete and utter lack of self-awareness = comedy gold!

    I may have to do a post on this.


    Please do!

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  25. avpd0nmmng said...
    "Marky Mark says on his blog that he will be 49 in two weeks. I thought he was younger. He must be very frustrated because he cannot get laid."

    The shaming language never ceases.

    I though you feminists were above that. And why is it all about getting laid? Is that the most important thing to you, or do you agree that women (largely) are only good for that one thing?

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  26. Oh, that's a different Onion article, I thought he was the guy who was infuriated over the "abortion party" that the Onion told him about. This is pretty good too, though :)

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  27. wytch

    There is a difference between shaming and making fun of someone. If you don't want to be made fun of don't be a dufus.

    His whole site is about shaming women..... but you can't see that. Why?

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  28. I believe this guy is a 50-year-old virgin because he chooses not to have sex exactly as much as I believe you get kicked off juries because of your phenomenal intellect.

    Where was it established that MarkyMark is a virgin? Citation needed here.

    I think the thought that any heterosexual man could be happy without a woman causes you emotional discomfort, and for that reason you have to convince yourself that anyone who claims such happiness is lying. That's my bit of computer chair psychology for the day.

    Oh, and if you actually bothered reading what I write instead of lazily skimming it, you would know that I was never kicked off a jury. I went for jury SELECTION, and was not chosen despite demonstrating myself to be an intelligent and competent candidate. I can't be kicked off a jury if I was never chosen to be on one.

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  29. Cold-your not being picked had little to do with your so called "superior" intelligence and more do with things like where you were in the jury pool and/or the answers you gave to one or more of the questions indicated a bias towards one side or another. Which is why they ask things like "Have you ever been involved, in any court, in a criminal matter that concerned yourself, any member of your family, or a close friend either as a defendant, a witness, or a victim?"(1)

    Now back to laughing at MarkyMark (really, what man goes by that name at his age?)

    (1)Benchbook for Federal Judges P. 92

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  30. I think the thought that any heterosexual man could be happy without a woman causes you emotional discomfort, and for that reason you have to convince yourself that anyone who claims such happiness is lying. That's my bit of computer chair psychology for the day.

    Except that he doesn't really seem that happy. People who are happy with their relationships with the opposite sex don't usually devote an entire blog to complaining about them. If he really is happy, then good for him, but I'm not really convinced based on what I've seen (admittedly a small part of his overall work). Just sayin'.

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  31. @wytch:

    @Kave

    Troll.


    Oh snap! Kave, you just got told! Mmm hmm.

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  32. In the MarkyMark article, I really like how he's not materialistic when he says his motorcycles are really important to him, but the prospective date is way too materialistic for saying she likes nice cars.

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  33. "I believe this guy is a 50-year-old virgin because he chooses not to have sex exactly as much as I believe you get kicked off juries because of your phenomenal intellect."

    awesome comment! can't stop laughing.

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  34. "I think the thought that any heterosexual man could be happy without a woman causes you emotional discomfort, and for that reason you have to convince yourself that anyone who claims such happiness is lying."

    Dude, you're obviously lying. I'd love to show you what your dogma looks like through the rest of the world's eyes, but I can't. Suffice it to say, you guys are really hung up on this shit.

    Being single sucks sometimes but I NEVER thought treating 'men' as some crazy exotic species from another planet and slagging them off all the time was the answer. You're so determined to segregate yourself, to prove your superiority, that you just make up wild lies and exaggerations about the differences between 'men' and 'women'. 'Going your own way' apparently means lingering around feminist websites, talking about women, complaining over women, masturbating over women, feeling guilty about masturbating over women, getting angry about women...

    If any of you were happy about being single you'd act fucking happy. When I was single I went out with my male and female friends and we all had a good time. My world seems so different to yours, it's crazy.

    I hope you find a lady or man who makes you change your mind. Happy Valentine's!

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  35. I think I sprained something from laughing.

    I love that "Natasha" is deluded -

    "...some of the women were deluded. For example (and I don't know HOW I got matched with this woman in the first place!), this woman, Natasha, was listed amongst my matches. She was late 20s-early 30s I think. Her pic was fine; she was attractive. This begs the question: why did she have to be on E-harmony to begin with?"

    I don't know, GUY WHO IS ALSO ON E-HARMONY. And I'm sure she doesn't know how she got matched with a 50-year-old guy who loves only motorcycles, either.

    I also love the thesis that he, AS A MAN, answers questions honestly but women don't answer them honestly...meaning that he either doesn't get matched with a lot of people or that when he writes they don't write back: "Many of my matches were closed immediately; either they closed out the match, or I did."

    Seems pretty honest to me, ie, "I'm honest about not wanting to contact you."

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  36. Hey, Captain Awkward, who has an awesome blog by the way,

    I imagine the poor women looking at their matches, seeing Marky among them, furiously clicking "close match" again and again and again, slamming their laptops shut, fleeing the room, and taking a very long shower.

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  37. Dude, you're obviously lying.

    Lying about what I think? Ok you got me there, I was actually thinking about how sad and empty my life is without a feminist woman to whom I can be a slave and contemplating the most efficient way to end this miserable existence.

    If any of you were happy about being single you'd act fucking happy.

    Just because you might imagine me furiously typing this in a dingy room in my mother's basement while wearing a dirty undershirt with a bare lightbulb above my head doesn't make it true. I'm actually quite happily enjoying my lunch break as I sip some delicious Pepsi and hear Geddy Lee's helium-tinged voice in my ears as I have a good chuckle at your self-serving speculations. Unfortunately said lunch break is just about over, so I must bid you adieu and gracefully close my netbook.

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  38. @Elizabeth "Now back to laughing at MarkyMark (really, what man goes by that name at his age?)" Not even the real Marky Mark. Mark Wahlberg does his best to pretend like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eSN8Cwit_s never happened.

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  39. I'd just like to say that I'm fat and do not give a flying how-do-you-do about gaining weight. Many women do think about it. It's their right to. I wished they didn't because (revelation of revelations) who cares?

    I'll stay jiggly, thanks. <3

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  40. I know and Mark Wahlberg is actually a good actor in my never humble opinion.

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  41. Marky Mark: is the guy who is a devout rapture-believing fundamentalist Christian yet e-screams obscenities at female posters and is firm in his belief that all women are filthy, disease-ridden skanks.

    Yet, was obsessed with a female co-worker who had no interest in dating him, which he simply could not believe! After all, she was a single mother so how dare she be picky! He concluded that she was a lesbian, as he saw her being "friendly" with another female co-worker. Don't want to date Marky Mark? You lezzbo!

    Marky admitted he hadn't had a date in over 5 years and he certainly did not sound like a happy bachelor or contented MGTOW upon reporting this fact. One sour apple is Marky!

    Yes, David, read thru some of the Marky archives; he's worth a post; quite a character!

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  42. Mra's sure have really long lunchbreaks.

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  43. Cold, trust me, I agree that MarkyMark should not be in a heterosexual relationship. With all due respect to your jury-defying intellect, your mind cannot begin to comprehend the depth of my conviction that MarkyMark should not be in a heterosexual relationship.

    However, I am jealous of your Pepsi.

    Seriously, though, is this guy really a respected blogger in MGTOW circles? I mean, it's good that he's found friends, but he's really, really obviously not any kind of lifestyle guru, to the same degree that Charles Manson was really, really obviously not Jesus.

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  44. "I was actually thinking about how sad and empty my life is without a feminist woman to whom I can be a slave"

    Kinky! I'm jealous of your super-extended lunchbreaks too.

    Hope you find that whip-crackin' 'feminist' woman to err...not suck your dick and steal or your money or something.

    Anyway, I'm sure you THINK all this shit about women, what makes me curious are the general activites of 'men going their own way' when all they ever do is talk about women and how much their exes sucked.

    I'd rather they did go their own fucking way, then I wouldn't have to hear their whining.

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  45. "Oh snap! Kave, you just got told! Mmm hmm."---CB

    You're following close in his shadow. Good show, court jester.

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  46. While "Remember how you joined E-Harmony in order to meet women after telling everyone how much you completely hated women, and then were shocked that you couldn't meet women? (P.S. They can probably tell that you hate them)" is a good reason for mocking - in fact, it BEGS for mocking (See also "Remember how you told everyone you were Going Your Own Way but then spent all your time on websites entirely devoted to obsessing about women and how to get laid by women without actually interacting with them?") - I tend to dislike the "Hahahaha _____ can't get laid!" as a general criticism of MRAs/MGTOWs. It's the equivalent of "You are just saying you want to vote because you are an ugly girl who can't find a husband," aka a cheap shot that is beside the point.

    I can't believe I just kind of agreed with Coldfire (who, I am curious to know - are you the same Coldfire who used to post at/moderate the Straight Dope or just another Rush-loving dude?). Not everyone is looking for sexy companionship, and it seems like a solid life choice for people who have entirely given up on the opposite sex to stay out of the dating pool.

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  47. Kinky! I'm jealous of your super-extended lunchbreaks too.

    Super-extended? Oh I see, you saw how that post had a time-stamp of 2:50pm and you're apparently a complete ignoramus who doesn't know about timezones.

    Anyway, I'm sure you THINK all this shit about women, what makes me curious are the general activites of 'men going their own way' when all they ever do is talk about women and how much their exes sucked.

    Just because all of David's posts about us link to that kind of content doesn't mean that's all we do, but I can see how your demonstrably feeble mind would come to that conclusion.

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  48. Capt. Awkward, I thoroughly agree.

    Cold:

    No, you guys don't talk only about evil women, evil feminists, and evil manginas, but that does seem to be MOSTLY what you guys talk about.

    Here are the most popular sub-forums on NiceGuy's MGTOW forum:

    NiceGuy's Site
    The original, plain, vanilla forum of the NiceGuy's community
    * 7,056 Topics
    * 83,417 Replies

    Feminists, Manginas, & Sexist Double Standards
    Post here about all the double standards that Ameriskanks are hopelessly addicted to!
    * 9,557 Topics
    * 126,899 Replies

    Girls Gone Wild!
    Tales of Bad Girls & Attention Whores
    * 4,189 Topics
    * 35,841 Replies

    And now...
    For all those topics you can't find a place for....
    * 4,405 Topics
    * 32,882 Replies

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  49. "Just because all of David's posts about us link to that kind of content doesn't mean that's all we do"

    I'm a feminist on the internet, I was getting shit from you guys a long time before I knew this blog existed. When I have questioned the dogma*, I've recieved death threats, rape threats, insults, accusations of bad faith, accusations of lying about my life and much more besides. I have given ridiculous amounts of my life to atttempting to have open debate and share my own experiences to no avail. You are all a closed book, and YOU are a perfect representative.

    It's lucky for me that I don't decide to tar any other men with your brush, like you do with your fantasy feminists.

    *attempted to point out how differences between the sexes are very exaggerated, pointing out incorrect information and out-of-context quotes, suggesting I'm not a worthless sperm-bank who was lucky to be raped etc. etc.

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  50. I didn't believe Josh when he made similar claims without presenting a single shred of evidence, and I don't believe you either. Evidence or GFTO.

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  51. OMG David, you're right, on an MRA/MGTOW forum we talk mostly about men's issues. What a concept. I'm also a member of an anime forum where we mostly talk about anime, a cyber security forum where we mostly talk about security, and a Rush forum where we mostly talk about Rush(the band, not Rush Limbaugh). Want to do a post-count analysis on those as well?

    By the way, you know that most of us aren't on such forums 24/7 right? Most of us also have lives offline and spend time talking about various subjects with other flesh-and-blood people that have nothing to do with men's rights or feminism.

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  52. "Oh snap! Kave, you just got told! Mmm hmm."---CB

    You're following close in his shadow. Good show, court jester.


    As court jesters have often been the ones who told the truth when others were afraid to do so, I'll take that as a compliment.

    Besides, I thought you were done responding to me. Self-discipline, my dear wytch, is the key to success...or so I've heard.

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  53. Cold, how exactly are "tales of Bad Girls & Attention Whores" a "Men's Issue?"

    And, no, I don't know how much time you spend on the site, but somehow the guys there have managed to collectively post 35,841 comments in that subforum alone. That's a lot of time.

    ReplyDelete

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