Monday, February 28, 2011

Ruthless Lady-People: Short-haired, smelly, muffin-eating lady-people

Women not only eat muffins -- they decapitate them!
Over on an angry-man site that would be called The Pearhead if you removed an "S" from its name, a fellow named Alcuin has a few complaints about the ladies. Let's listen in, shall we?

Western women are ruthless. They will destroy a family with a lifestyle divorce, and ruin her husband without thinking of their lives. ...

Ah yes, the old lifestyle divorce. There's little that Western women enjoy more than a nice divorce. Well, aside from accusing men of rape, and playing slutty dressup, and going to work:

They will accuse a man of rape when he did no such thing so they can get revenge for hurt feelings or to cover their own infidelity. They will dress like whores, then accuse men of being perverts and of sexual harassment. They will take all the cushy jobs and complain when men refuse to take the shit jobs, but act like “boys” instead.

But Alucin is just getting started. It gets worse:

They will cut their hair short, get fat, avoid shaving (their legs? their face?), smell, and then complain that men go for Asian women or none. They will take advantage of manginas for years, and give nothing in return for such dog-like loyalty. They will take jobs away from men, and become lazy, useless muffin-eaters.

That's right. You heard him. Women will actually CUT THEIR HAIR SHORT just to torment the men of the world with its shortness! Yet they will REFUSE to shave the hair off their legs! Which are FAT and STINKY! Also MUFFINS! They EAT MUFFINS! I'm not sure if this is supposed to be some sort of lesbian innuendo, or whether Alucin is referring to actual literal ingestion of delicious blueberry muffins, but I don't care. Either way, MEN ARE CLEARLY BEING OPPRESSED!

Why does writing this blog always make me so hungry? First, it gives me a craving for cupcakes, and now for muffins, the cupcakes' more demure cousin, the Cathy to its Patty. .

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19 comments:

  1. It's breakfast time, in fact. Now thanks to you I'm going to have to go to the kitchen and see if I have any muffin mix.

    UPDATE: I have the muffin mix, but I'm looking all over the place and I can't find a woman to make them for me. Oh well, guess it's cereal for breakfast again.

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  2. I have heard "muffin" used as a slang for vag. But, of course, if feminists are all lesbians,why would they care if men did not want them? Ah, misogynistic homophobia is so bizarre.

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  3. Mmmm. Blueberry muffins. De-lish.

    You know, my time of "getting laid six ways from Sunday" and my time of "short hair and hairy legs" overlap completely. Clearly not all men disapprove of this as much as Mr. Alcuin over here.

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  4. Opening that first link was a bad idea...
    Don't do it if you want to keep your blood pressure down.

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  5. Oh god, I'm a fat short-haired muffin eater. SORRY SPEARHEAD READERS, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS BAD. Thank you for telling me so I can change my ways. I'm going to lose weight, switch from muffins to other breakfast foods, grow my hair long.....and still avoid Spearhead readers like the goddamn plague.

    Muffin, anyone?

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  6. Pumpkin, I had to. I clicked.

    He describes men's 'old' attitude towards women as, "an overarching tendency to always treat women a bit better than other men," in the same paragraph where he describes the sort of violence and death a woman can expect if she makes too much of a nuisance of herself or annoys men. Good gods, if that's better treatment, then I don't want to know what worse or equal is in that guy's mind!

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  7. I keep my hair cut short because my bf likes it that way. The hairy legs lesbian bullshit is the same trite misogyny and it's so beyond old that it's funny. Hm.. I guess liking to eat lemon poppyseed muffins is a bad thing. My dad loves them (in fact I have a pan in the oven right now that are going to him for coming over this weekend and fixing said oven) I guess that makes him a mangina. Considering that he can be a chauvinist sometimes I think that is pretty funny.

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  8. It seems this guy thinks that women are only to be slaves to men. Literal slaves and to be resented for even the food they consume to have the energy to do as ordered by men.

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  9. It seems this guy thinks that women are only to be slaves to men. Literal slaves and to be resented for even the food they consume to have the energy to do as ordered by men.

    Even worse, he seems to believe that the fact that women are not slaves means that men are. Zero sum game FTL.

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  10. If these posts make me hungry, I just flip back to the leech vagina post. Problem solved.

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  11. Well CB obviously if a woman has the chance to do anything that does not involve making him a sammich that means she controls the world.

    Who knew access to bacon was that important?

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  12. Well, you know what they say, Elizabeth: the hand that spreads the mayo controls the world.

    They say that, right?

    (Mmmm...bacon)

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  13. I have no idea but I wonder if anyone has called a collection of women at a singles event a muffin fest.

    I thought of that when typing out an absurdly long post to something Nick said. And I also found out that the concept of women and children first was invented in 1852. Mayo was not mentioned.

    But now I am hungry.

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  14. Elizabeth: "I have no idea but I wonder if anyone has called a collection of women at a singles event a muffin fest."

    I think the generally accepted term is clambake.

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  15. I have never heard of that before. Muffin fest seems so obvious after sausage fest.

    It is a smorgasbord of breakfast food items.

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  16. If I didn't know any better, I might think that Alcuin was doing a fairly clever satire of MRA complaints. Nobody that tries to discredit a group as a bunch of 'lazy, useless muffin-eaters' can be taken seriously, after all.

    Next thing you know, they'll be calling David a muffingina.

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  18. Pumpkin, I did an experiment with two different names.

    The posts calling for the death of women if they refuse to be slaves was unmoderated.

    The one that said "hey, just improve your life regardless of what happens with women" was moderated.

    *rolls eyes* At least the death ones were downvoted.

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