Friday, December 31, 2010

You mean coitus?

The post-coital Dude and Maude
Let's take a break from misogyny for a moment to take a look into the wild and wacky world of homophobia. Sexy, sexy homophobia. By which I mean this attempt, by homophobe-con Robert George and two colleagues to explain why only heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex counts as real, proper sex:

In coitus, but not in other forms of sexual contact, a man and a woman’s bodies coordinate by way of their sexual organs for the common biological purpose of reproduction. They perform the first step of the complex reproductive process. Thus, their bodies become, in a strong sense, one—they are biologically united, and do not merely rub together—in coitus (and only in coitus), similarly to the way in which one’s heart, lungs, and other organs form a unity: by coordinating for the biological good of the whole. In this case, the whole is made up of the man and woman as a couple, and the biological good of that whole is their reproduction.

So: No gay sex. No lesbian sex. No blow jobs. No dry humping. No finger-fucking. No pegging. No happy endings. 

If you're interested,  Alas, a blog's Barry Deutsch offers a detailed critique of the paper in which this wondrous quote appears over on FamilyScholars.org; George et al reply here.

All this talk of coitus reminds me of one of my many favorite exchanges in The Big Lebowski, between Maude Lebowski and The Dude:

MAUDE: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?

DUDE: Excuse me?

MAUDE: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?

DUDE: I was talking about my rug.

MAUDE: You're not interested in sex?

DUDE: You mean coitus?

MAUDE: I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy.

DUDE: Oh, no.

Talk dirty to me, Maude Lebowski!

(Thanks to Amanda Marcotte's twitter and alicublog for alerting me to George's crazy quote.)

7 comments:

  1. - You want a toe? I can get you a toe. I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon. You don't wanna know how.

    Best movie ever!

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  2. Well that definition works for The Pope and Bill Clinton :-)

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  3. 'No pegging'

    Jesus Christ David, is that what it's like for you male feminists?

    Taking self emasculation to a whole 'nother level.

    Random Brother

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  4. "So: No gay sex. No lesbian sex. No blow jobs. No dry humping. No finger-fucking. No pegging. No happy endings."

    Missed out on the perfect opportunity to say "vaginas only, Final Destination" at the end, David. :C

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  5. This hit the spot today, thanks! The Lebowski conversation sounds like one I had on skype last night. Funny surreal stuff.

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  6. My only comment is "No Comment!" Actually a comment, all gay men are men if they are not feminist lapdogs. Welcome brothers!!

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  7. I guess it has to be solely for reproductive purposes as well. I pity my poor mother who has had her tubes tied, for she will never have proper sex again. Well, at least that saves me from having to think about it. And, since I am, as it happens, almost certainly sterile, I might as well have all of the fun non-sex fucking I want, as I can never have proper sex anyhow.

    On another note, how on earth would using only unprotected sex be for the 'good of the whole' when pregnancy and repeat birthing are medically risky for the female? My mother was told in no uncertain terms that another pregnancy would kill her (she has severe complications during pregnancy). Reproductive sex is certainly not in her best interest, it is in fact almost certainly fatal without the intervention of a speedy abortion. For people so obsessed with breeding, anti-queer bizarros certainly seem oblivious to the actual issues surrounding pregnancy and child birthing.

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