My Secret Life as a Group of Women

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

One of the weirder pleasures of writing this blog is that, from time to time, as I wend my way across the assorted gathering holes of the manosphere, I discover the natives chattering candidly about little old me, apparently forgetting that I actually read the forums they hang out on. These conversations tend to be a little, well, surreal.

You may vaguely remember The Troll King from a post of mine a couple of weeks back on his brief career as a faux-feminist calling herself the Feminist Troll Queen. I recently found him in the Men’s Rights subreddit on Reddit, trying to defend himself against charges of, well, trolling, and suggesting that some of the subreddit’s resident trolls are “manboobz followers and probably feminists from feministe.” (Not that I know of.) But the strangest thing was this reference to me as a person of indeterminate gender:

I saw him talking about not being able to become pregnant on one of his posts recently about gangbangs and MGTOW and I wouldn't be surprised if it is a female with a male internet persona or maybe a FTM transperson??

Whaaaa? It took me a little while to figure out that he was referring to a dumb joke I made at the tail end of my post about MGTOWers speculating on why some women like porn. Here’s the joke, such as it was:

Now, I’m no evolutionary psych expert, but, er, what exactly is the evolutionary advantage of facials? I’m pretty sure you can’t get pregnant from semen on your forehead, in your eyes  or, say, up your nose. (At least I never have.)

Hey, I didn’t claim it was a good joke. In any case, for anyone confused by it, the idea was to humorously suggest that I was such a frenzied masturbator that I regularly shot semen up my own nose. And that this had never made me pregnant. Not only because the semen was in my nose rather than my vagina but because, you know, I’m a non-transgender dude, and non-trans dudes can't get pregnant. (Also, even if the semen were to get in my vagina I wouldn't get pregnant, because I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA.) (Some trans men can get pregnant, but THEY CAN'T GET PREGNANT FROM SEMEN UP THE NOSE either. NO ONE CAN.)

For the record, I would also like to point out that have never actually shot semen up my nose – or, for that matter, on my forehead or in my eyes.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In any case, Troll King’s confusion about my gender – especially strange, given that he himself had just engaged in a bit of internet cross-dressing by posing as the Feminist Troll Queen -- got me thinking back on one of the more surreal aspects of my domestic violence debate with Paul Elam last fall, which was the assumption on the part of a group of his followers that I was not just a woman, but a whole group of them.

As “Frank” put it:

“David Futrelle” argues like a provocative feminist woman, or perhaps I should put a group of feminist women. 

Note the personal abuse, the petty point scoring, the personalised arguments, and the lack of any real evidence or examination of the issues under discussion.

There is also the (supposedly) witty sarcasms, and the (supposedly) funny rudeness while ignoring hard points backed up real evidence. So typical of the misandrist feminist woman.

“Roderick” concurred:

I suspect the the sarcastically named Manboobz is a group of young ‘educated’ woman.

– note: {Often I have found that mediocre woman always work in groups. Woman who have higher abilities tend to work independently from the protective huddle.} (Who bravely hide from accountability or challenge)

“Alphabeta,” meanwhile, has a slightly different take on it:

I wonder if Futrelle is a woman disguised as a man or perhaps a woman in the making. His/her words have the whirr of the hamster wheel about them.

Remember this?

http://mensnewsdaily.com/2010/04/22/mens-studies-foremost-authority-opts-for-castration-literally/

What right-thinking man advertises his intellectual wares as ‘manboobz’? Sounds like wishful thinking at the very least.

Yes, he's arguing that this blog is called "Man Boobz" because I want some.

I don't, actually.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, once again, to clarify: misogynist dudes, when I refer to “boobz” in the title of this blog I am referring to you. It’s a double entendre. “Boobs,” yes, can refer to breasts. But “boob” can also mean “an ignorant or foolish person.” Do you see where I’m going with this? YOU GUYS ARE MEN, AND YOU ALSO ARE BOOBS. The “Boobz” in “Man Boobz” ARE YOU.

She's my sister... She's my daughter... My sister, my daughter.  She's my sister AND my daughter!

Oh dear. I got carried away.

I should probably explain that the last bit there was from Chinatown. I do not have a sister who is also a daughter. Evelyn Mulwray does. But she’s not a real person.



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Scott Adams' Imaginary Friend

Scott Adams, meet Scott Adams.

Oh Scott Adams, why must you be so delightfully mockable? Regular readers may well remember the Dilbert dude writing a really douchey misogynistic blog post, and then defending that blog post in a highly patronizing and completely unconvincing way.

Now it turns out that everybody’s favorite misogynist cartoonist has apparently been posting pro-Scott-Adams comments on Metafilter and Reddit under the super seekret alias PlannedChaos. Today, on Metafilter, PlannedChaos fessed up to the sockpuppetry, admitting that he was Adams; according to Gawker, Adams has also confessed directly to MetaFilter founder Matt Haughey. 

In light of this revelation, I would encourage everyone to poke through PlannedChaos’ comment histories on both MetaFilter and Reddit. They are, of course, quite (unintentionally) hilarious.

On MetaFilter, Adams' sockpuppet praises Adams (that is, himself) as someone with "a certified genius I.Q., and that's hard to hide." He also boasts that Adams (that is, himself): 

turned a failing comic into a household word by transforming it from a generic comic into a workplace comic. He wrote a number of best selling books. He was one of the top paid public speakers for a decade. His website has earned him millions while no other comic property has done the same. One of his two restaurants was solidly successful. And now he's one of the most popular writers in the Wall Street Journal. 

Wait, what was that right before the Wall Street Journal bit? "One of his two restaurants?" Boy, now I want to find out the history of that second, non-successful restaurant.  What went wrong? Did people not hunger for Ratbert’s Ratburgers? Did it have a rotating floor like Hank’s Look-Around Café?

Also, in what can only be described as GIGANTIC FUCKING IRONY, PlannedChaos also mocked another commenter for allegedly having an "imaginary friend."

On Reddit, PlannedChaos was similarly sycophantic towards, er, himself: 

If an idiot and a genius disagree, the idiot generally thinks the genius is wrong. He also has lots of idiot reasons to back his idiot belief. That's how the idiot mind is wired.

It's fair to say you disagree with Adams. But you can't rule out the hypothesis that you're too dumb to understand what he's saying.

And he's a certified genius. Just sayin'.

Yeah, but apparently not enough of a genius -- "certified" or no -- to engage in sockpuppetry without totally giving himself away. Just sayin’.

If you have even the slightest doubt that PlannedChaos is indeed Adams himself, this comment on Reddit from a year ago should lay those doubts to rest immediately:

The people here who are objecting to Adams' fiction about evolution clearly have some reading comprehension problems. A careful reading of the actual book will give you a different opinion.

By the way, Adams has said the book was designed using hypnotic methods (he's a trained hypnotist) and it is intended to generate strong opinions, and even some weird amnesia about the content itself. You can see the amnesia and cognitive dissonance in full display in these comments.

Hmm. Reading comprehension problems. The people who disagree with Adams don’t understand him. Where on earth have I heard that before?

Oh yeah.

Oh, and in his final comment on Metafilter, Adams suggests that his sockpuppetry was all a bit of fun. In other words, like Pee-Wee Herman falling of his bike, he meant to do it. I think I may have heard that somewhere before, too.



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Ducks Going Their Own Way (DGTOW)

Donald Duck was evidently a Duck Going His Own Way. This Disney cartoon from 1954 pretty much sums up, in 7 short minutes, every single discussion on every MGTOW message board ever, right down to the little jokes about Daisy riding what we might call the “bad boy duck cock carousel.”

This is quite literally how MGTOWer’s see the world, except for the part about everyone being a duck. (Oh, and that Donald doesn’t blame modern feminism for Daisy’s behavior, as it didn’t actually exist in 1954.)

Thanks, I guess, to the fellows on MGTOWforums.com for finding this.


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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

When Harry (Harddrive) Met Susie (Software): Sexbots in action

Susie will make your drive hard.

As long as we're talking sexbots, I thought I'd give you all a peek at two of the most advanced models available for purchase or (eww!) rent -- not ten or twenty years from now, but today! Assuming the company that built them is still in business.

Um, before you get your hopes up too high, fellas -- and ladies, as there is also a male version -- I should warn you that, as sexy as these bots are, they are still a little ways away from complete perfection. In fact, it is possible that viewing one of the videos of these bots in action -- or even seeing one of the animated gifs based on the videos -- much just possibly scar you for life. Granted, I couldn't get the videos to work, but, trust me, even the animated gifs will haunt your dreams forever.

With that out of the way, I invite you to read what the always entertaining and informative Scary Sextoy Friday blog has to say about Susie Software and Harry Harddrive (that's really what they're called), as well as to see the aforementioned gifs. You can learn more about the pair and their creator in this story on Nerve. Or in this story from the always tasteful and reliable Sun.

And then there is the sexbot website itself, a charmingly low-tech affair.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

Heil Hitlary!

Hillary Clinton: A legless Nazi?

Some very, er, interesting observations on world politics from SingleDad on the angry-man internet hub known as The Spearhead. 

I think things will get much worse in ways we cannot imagine today. Why do you think our secretary of state has done nothing except meet with women all over the world non-stop.

I mean, we’re in two wars, North Africa is coming undone and where is Hitlary.

I’ll tell you. She is meeting with and creating a world feminist Cabal to be a non-elected shadow government.

What can we expect, more men in prison, less boys graduating high school, less and more dangerous jobs for men, more wars (to reduce the male population, a win/win for Hitlary), and world wide demonization and extermination of heterosexuality.

They hate men, women that like men, children and families.

Use your imagination ... they are doing all this in secret as they know what they have in mind is unethical and could not tolerate the light of day.

Note: When he refers to "Hitlary," SingleDad is, I believe, trying to draw a humorous parallel between our Secretary of State and the lead character in the 1980 Pakistani film Hitlar, in which the aforementioned Hitlar, son of Hitler, terrorizes a Punjabi village. In case you missed this film when it was in theaters, here's a bit more on it from IMDb:

The movie starts with the premise that Hitler never died at the end of WWII, but that he escaped and started a family somewhere in the Punjabi heartland. The movie shows Hitlar, the son the world never knew about, sending his goons out to ravage the local villagers and terrify them into submission. Sultan Rahi witnesses the brutal murder of an innocent villager and vows to take revenge. and his quest for vengeance pits him against Hitlar, son of Hitler!

That might seem like sort of an obscure reference for SingleDad to make, but apparently The Spearheaders are huge fans of Pakistanti cinema. (I'm more of a Bollywood man myself.)

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

Off-topic Friday: Huge-ass bat.

Serious post later. In the meantime, here's a huge-ass bat:

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My feminist mistresses: A clarification

Word has gotten out recently in the comments here about my feminist masters -- that is, mistresses -- whose orders I follow with unthinking obedience. I just want to reassure you all that my mistresses are in fact very nice ladies, and are not up to anything nefarious. I hope that this snapshot of them on a recent camping excursion will reassure you all on this point. I believe they are making soup. All hail the Goddess!

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

American Women: They use too much birth control and it's fucking up their vagina

This is what aspartame and birth control will do to you.

I've been disappointed so far with the BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN blog. Most of the posts so far have been pretty straightforward and, frankly, boring, with none of that inventive, over-the-top loopiness that I associate with misogynists of real quality. But this post from yesterday more than makes up for lost time:

American women are drugged-out zombies

American women are constantly in chemicals. Chewing bubble gum constantly (aspartame, which causes temporary retardation). The makeup. They are always doing diet things for extra doses of aspartame. They use too much birth control and it's fucking up their vagina. They have periods for 2 weeks out of the month. They flirt with other men when married. They have a few steps up on the ladder in the courts. They have a feminist movement where they actually think they were born superior to men. They have a pair of shoes for every day of the month, which third world slaves made. Their makeup is made out of animal fat by product. They are in their own world and not reality from popping too many anti depressants for minor mood swings. lol they're nuts!

LOL indeed, my good sir. LOL indeed. 

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

Roissy Reconsidered

No date tonight!

The other day I made some critical remarks about some dating advice from pickup guru Roissy -- specifically, a list of things prospective Don Juans can do to keep the ladies "on their toes" and generate a certain level of mystery, always enticing to the fairer sex. I have reconsidered one suggestion of Roissy's, which I now realize is sort of brilliant. That is:

Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)

Your success in using this tactic, of course, is largely dependent on how good you are at concocting vaguely plausible but not completely convincing excuses for canceling. Here are several to get you started:

"Sorry, babe, can't make our date tonight. I've lost all my shoes."

"I'm going to have to take a raincheck on our weekend getaway in the Berkshires, snuggle-bunny. I have gotten my head stuck in a bucket."

"Oops! No go for tomorrow, sugar-tits. I just realized our salsa dancing class conflicts with my speech at the 93rd Annual Dirndl Appreciation Society meeting."

"Tuesday night is out, cupcake. I have climbed up a tree and I just can't seem to figure out how to get back down."

"I feel terrible about this, stinky, but there's no way I can make it tonight. I have completely lost my sense of direction and have been walking in circles for the past ten hours."  

You may use any of these you want. You're welcome! And suggest your own, if you wish.


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The ultimate PUA video

Now that we're talking about pickup artistry, I feel I would be doing my readers a disservice if I didn't post the SINGLE GREATEST PUA VIDEO EVER. Paul Rudd and David Wain show us how it's done in this report from the field. 



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Inflatable women: As dangerous as real ones?

Beautiful, but deadly.

Be careful out there, fellas, as you make your way in the brave new post-woman world. Sure, it goes without saying that sexy robot ladies will soon replace real women, and obviously that's great news for all of us, except perhaps for human females, who don't really count anyway. But approach with caution; some sex toys artificial female companions can be downright dangerous. Case in point: A recent news story on FoxNews.com from Australia which suggests that inflatable women can be as treacherous as real ones.

A bizarre decision to ride an inflatable doll down a flood-swollen Yarra River in Australia blew up in a woman’s face yesterday when she lost her latex playmate in a rough patch.

The incident prompted a warning from police that blow-up sex toys are "not recognized flotation devices’’.

Police and a State Emergency Services crew were called to the rescue when the woman and a man, both 19, struck trouble at Warrandyte North about 4.30 p.m. Tuesday.

They were floating down the river on two inflatable dolls and had just passed the Pound Bend Tunnel when the woman lost her toy in turbulent water.

She clung to a floating tree, calling for help while the man stayed with her. Fortunately for the pair, a passer-by called triple zero while while a kayaker took life jackets to the pair. Police and the SES crew hauled the water-logged thrillseekers to safety.

Clearly, this is a case of attempted murder. No doubt the young man was the real intended target.

The most ominous part of the report. The final paragraph:

"The fate of the inflatable dolls is unknown," said Senior Constable Wilson.

In other words, the dolls are still out there, biding their time, just waiting for another opportunity to wreak their vengeance on the human world!


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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

Feminist cat ponders how idiotic the herpes and hypergamy discussion has gotten

(Note: In cats, tail-lashing is not a good sign.)

No misogyny today, just a grumpy cat in a Santa hat I found on Flickr

Masculine inadequacies drive women nuts! Also, turtles.

Notice they are only attacking him, not her. Clearly, turtles are misandrists!

Photographic proof that men and women can get along

... at least long enough to take a photo.

My favorite oddball critic of the Men's Rights Movement

From Not an MRA

I discovered an odd little manifesto the other day put forth by a raging antifeminist ... who also hates the Men's Rights Movement. "Not an MRA's" site looks like a blog, but it's essentially a long rambling rant cataloguing all the reasons "why I am NOT an MRA." His basic thesis: 

I hate feminism. I hate the destruction it has brought onto our society and culture. I hate male-bashing. I am sick and fed up with all of it. That said - I realize that the MRM - or MRA's are doing way more harm than good in the efforts of getting rid of these things.

As the lead-in to a manifesto, it's not quite up there with "a spectre is haunting Europe -- the spectre of communism," but it certainly grabs your attention. As do the illustrations he uses to illustrate his various points, taken from Disney's version of Alice in Wonderland. (Don't tell Disney!)

So what exactly does notanmra hate about the MRM? It's a idiosyncratic list of irritations, some perfectly understandable, some just sort of cranky. Here's a partial list:

He hates the endless blather about "manginas" and "White Knights," and the slew of of oddball acronyms that litter most MRA discussions (PUA, MGTOW, MGHOW, NAWALT, and of course MRA). He thinks MRAs cheapen the notion of "male bashing" by complaining endlessly about ads in which men get kicked in the balls are the victims of slapstick violence. He hates the undercurrents of anti-Semitism and generalilzed bigotry that infect some MRA forums. He hates conspiracy theory in general. He hates the endless denunciations of "chivalry."

Holding doors open for people is common courtesy. If you approach the door first, hold it open for the PERSON behind you. Where I work, men do this for men, men do this for women, women do this for men, and women do this for other women. It's called being a human being. A few MRA blogs/sites label this as "chivalry" - poppycock. Come on out of that rabbit hole and stop acting like a screwball. 

Holding doors open for PEOPLE is not what leads to male-hatred or male-bashing.

He hates that "some MRAs call themselves ""masculists" or "masculinists". This makes me sick. I have no desire to "follow in the footsteps" of feminism by calling myself this, or even by associating with people who call themselves this." He thinks all the talk of circumcision as "genital mutilation" is completely backwards, and that the procedure is actually beneficial. (I'm guessing of all his opinions this is the one that gets MRAs most angry at him.)

Of all his various complaints, I think my favorite is this one:

Observations have convinced me that the MRA agenda is not one of getting the laws changed or eliminating male-hatred, but rather - to argue the same points over and over.

Don't I know it!

EDIT: I corrected a testicle-related error in the text above.  

Palate Cleanser!

No misogynists today. Just kittens.

Unfunny Girl

Was it all based on a lie?

You know what's always hilarious? Humorless douchebags pontificating on "why women aren't funny."

Our text today: A set of comments on the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) proboards forum. Madashell gets the ball rolling:

In my entire life I haven't met one single women who is funny especially compared to the numerous men who are able to make myself and many other people laugh. I'm sure this is true for almost all of us.

If you can't think of a single funny women you've ever met, you either 1) have no sense of humor whatsoever, or 2) you're such a flaming misogynist your brain simply can't process humor when it comes from females or 3) you live in a hole in the ground eating bugs. Or some combination of the above. In the case of Madashell, I'm guessing it's a mixture of 1) and 3). (He just seems like a bug-eater to me.) 

Now, I'm not even going to bother to provide a little list of women in history who are fucking hilarious, because every single reasonable person on planet earth should be able to come up with a little list of their own.

Instead, let's hear what the MGTOWers have to say on the subject. Here's Whytry:

Because laughter is a sign of joy and women aren't capable of emotion. They're literally creatures of lust and animal behavior.

Hanzblinx, meanwhile, offers a little list:

1. humor is related to wit which is related to intelligence
2. humor requires seeing the world outside of the 1st person perspective
3. humor is used by men as a tool to attract women by display of wit, however, women attract men with display of skin, no wits required.

Of course, when a woman laughs at your joke, it doesn't necessarily mean that she actually has a sense of humor. At least according to dontmarry, who suggests that laughter is sort of a female version of a boner:

When a woman likes you (i.e her gina tingles madly for you) she will laugh at ALL your jokes, even the not so funny ones. ...  'I want a man with a sense of humor' really means 'I want a man who pushes the right buttons and makes my pussy moist.' Women are incapable of appreciating, or possessing a sense of humor. None of the so-called female comediennes can approach the greatness of George Carlin or the brilliance of Rowan Atkinson.

Interesting theory, but I'm a little stuck on the notion that George Carlin and Rowan Atkinson represent the highest pinnacle of achievement in human humor history.

rebel has a somewhat more elaborate, if somewhat less coherent, explanation:

Because le rire est le propre de l'homme- laugh is specific to man.

MAN is the only creature on the planet that has a capacity for humour and laughter. When you really think about it, humour is a gift from God. It sets MAN apart from all other creatures: on a higher level of existence.

To me, the question is irrelevant. Does my dog have a sense of humor? The question is irrelevant because only Men have a sense of humor. By design.

Adam was the first sentient creature (so they say... I don't know). Then Eve was produced to provide some blow jobs whenever Adam felt bored. Eve was content to be Adam's receptacle (in Latin: vagina):she didn't have to be funny: only have a deep throat. But that was before feminism took the bag away...but humor has not returned...

LOL!!!

"LOL!!!" Really?

I guess I just don't understand humor after all.

EDIT: Looks like the humor-discussers have discovered this post.

(Surreal) Dolls on holiday

I really have nothing to say about this discussion on The Doll Forum: A Meeting Place for Adult Doll Owners & Admirers. So I'll let "Zara's" boyfriend/owner/creepy dude explain: 

Our first holiday away, just Zara, myself, the van and the open road. We're off to to visit some friends of Zara and I, spend some alone time and see some sights up and down the east coast. I'll add photos every week or so of what we got up to and who we met.

Packing the van for the trip invovled more issues than I had first thought. Packing for Zara meant packing for two and she needed more room for her gear than I did. 

 More creepy photos at the link.

Men: Do not be hypontized by Kim Kardashian's boobies into getting a Kardashian Kard

Consumerist warns that "the reality show star is pimping a new prepaid debit card targeted at kids" -- and, presumably, unwary men easily hypnotized by boobies -- "that is as bursting with hidden fees as Kim's shirt, featured prominently on the plastic, is bursting with integrity." The card costs $59.95 to purchase (including 6 months of monthly fees); monthly fees (after this initial period) of $7.95; ATM withdrawals are $1.50. There's also a $9.95 (per boobie) monthly boobie maintenance fee. (Ok, one of those fees is made up.)